No, it's not the title of the song, but Pain has been a gift this year. This song has been very comforting these last few months.
"In the Waiting" by Greg Long
Pain
The gift nobody longs for, still it comes
And somehow leaves us stronger
When it's gone away
Pray
I try and pray for Your will to be done
But I confess it's never fast enough for me
It seems
the hardest part is waiting on You
When what I really want
Is just to see Your hand move
(Chorus)
I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting
Time
Time to let it go and just believe
Trusting in what no one else but You can see
Free
Freedom from the fears that close me in
When I can't get beyond where I have been
But then again
The silence doesn't mean that I'm alone
As long as I can hear
That I am still Your own
(Repeat chorus)
In the waiting...
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
baseball season
Baseball season is almost over. I'm sad because it is just so much fun and Al and Mary-Jo are really beginning to pay attention and follow through with the functions that they are supposed to do in their positions. For the most part they have played left field who's main purpose at this level is to back up 1st base which gets a lot of throws.
Tonight the team that Alex played was a pretty weak team so Alex got to play pitcher, 3rd and then catcher. But the biggest accomplishment for him is that he actually hit a legitimate double which is big considering that he is a slow runner--mostly due to his encopresis. A couple of weeks ago he played first and tagged the runner out when he stepped off the plate. I just wish that I had more of an opportunity to practice throwing with him one-on-one. It's just difficult to find the time to do that with little ones under foot.
Mary-Jo hit her second homerun of the season tonight. She is quite the athlete and quickly learns what she's supposed to do and why it is necessary to do it even if she doesn't touch the ball. The 1st baseman only missed the ball twice tonight, but Mary-Jo was there to keep the runners from advancing, which is exactly what she was supposed to do.
Cynthia is like Jab and me, she has natural ability and can easily step into just about any position. She is the lead-off batter for her team, so she's not a power hitter, but she gets on base at least 1-2 times a game and has scored 90% of the time that she get on base, which is awesome.
Tonight the team that Alex played was a pretty weak team so Alex got to play pitcher, 3rd and then catcher. But the biggest accomplishment for him is that he actually hit a legitimate double which is big considering that he is a slow runner--mostly due to his encopresis. A couple of weeks ago he played first and tagged the runner out when he stepped off the plate. I just wish that I had more of an opportunity to practice throwing with him one-on-one. It's just difficult to find the time to do that with little ones under foot.
Mary-Jo hit her second homerun of the season tonight. She is quite the athlete and quickly learns what she's supposed to do and why it is necessary to do it even if she doesn't touch the ball. The 1st baseman only missed the ball twice tonight, but Mary-Jo was there to keep the runners from advancing, which is exactly what she was supposed to do.
Cynthia is like Jab and me, she has natural ability and can easily step into just about any position. She is the lead-off batter for her team, so she's not a power hitter, but she gets on base at least 1-2 times a game and has scored 90% of the time that she get on base, which is awesome.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
He's Saved! He's Saved!
Where do I start. I was only going to share the whole thing with just my most close and personal friends, but I think it's important to be completely open and honest with anyone who is reading my blog. I'm not going to write a book, because it is a book, but I'll write a Cliff Note version.
Two nights ago, I discovered that my husband was in a 5+ year online and phone relationship with another woman. I cried in deep agony. We talked. Jaba said he wanted and needed to change his life. I failed to help him do that.
Yesterday evening, it got worse when I discovered that he was having internet and phone sex with even more women. I cried some more and then I got mad. I called him at work to talk--Jab asked to wait until he got home. In a moment of anger I told him I didn't want him to come home. But I called back about 15 minutes later and said I'd meet him at work. I yelled, he apologized and repeated that He needed help. God told me to call our friends (church) Kelly (man) and Angela because I knew that I wasn't in a frame of mind to be able to do this on my own.
Jab confided in and confessed to Kelly on the front porch at my request as I just could not go through hearing everything and I wanted Jaba to not be afraid to confess everything. About an hour later they came inside. Kelly told me that he truly believed that Jaba was sorry for what he had done to me. He then asked me my intentions and I told him that Jaba is my husband. I do not want a divorce and I do not want a separation. Then Kelly led Jaba through F.A.I.T.H. (which is a guideline to lead someone to salvation that is along the same lines as "The Roman Road"). Jaba prayed a sinner's prayer. Then Kelly informed him that he would need to acknowledge to the church his decision to follow Christ and asked Jab to say a prayer in his own words thanking God for what He had done and that he would inform others.
I believed that Jaba truly had done this, but with a broken heart I was still skeptical, but after church tonight, I am not. We attended a new believers class (its a series of classes) and hearing my husband tell the teacher that he had told everyone at work and his friends about his decision and then giving his testimony, I am no longer doubting his transformation or that he is a "new creature" in Christ.
Jab and I prayed together this morning. Then tonight our family prayed together. Kurt and Shelby even prayed. I am shouting Hallelujah because I have the spiritual leader in our home for which I have been praying for at least 8 years.
God does answer prayer.
Two nights ago, I discovered that my husband was in a 5+ year online and phone relationship with another woman. I cried in deep agony. We talked. Jaba said he wanted and needed to change his life. I failed to help him do that.
Yesterday evening, it got worse when I discovered that he was having internet and phone sex with even more women. I cried some more and then I got mad. I called him at work to talk--Jab asked to wait until he got home. In a moment of anger I told him I didn't want him to come home. But I called back about 15 minutes later and said I'd meet him at work. I yelled, he apologized and repeated that He needed help. God told me to call our friends (church) Kelly (man) and Angela because I knew that I wasn't in a frame of mind to be able to do this on my own.
Jab confided in and confessed to Kelly on the front porch at my request as I just could not go through hearing everything and I wanted Jaba to not be afraid to confess everything. About an hour later they came inside. Kelly told me that he truly believed that Jaba was sorry for what he had done to me. He then asked me my intentions and I told him that Jaba is my husband. I do not want a divorce and I do not want a separation. Then Kelly led Jaba through F.A.I.T.H. (which is a guideline to lead someone to salvation that is along the same lines as "The Roman Road"). Jaba prayed a sinner's prayer. Then Kelly informed him that he would need to acknowledge to the church his decision to follow Christ and asked Jab to say a prayer in his own words thanking God for what He had done and that he would inform others.
I believed that Jaba truly had done this, but with a broken heart I was still skeptical, but after church tonight, I am not. We attended a new believers class (its a series of classes) and hearing my husband tell the teacher that he had told everyone at work and his friends about his decision and then giving his testimony, I am no longer doubting his transformation or that he is a "new creature" in Christ.
Jab and I prayed together this morning. Then tonight our family prayed together. Kurt and Shelby even prayed. I am shouting Hallelujah because I have the spiritual leader in our home for which I have been praying for at least 8 years.
God does answer prayer.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Baseball has started
Al and Mary-Jo started ball practice last week. I have to say, I'm having so much fun! Really, I am. I get to play with ball with Mary-Jo, Al, and the boys on Al's team before the coach makes it to practice and during Al's team's second practice the coach even asked if I'd help out. So I got to play pitcher pretty much the whole time. It only took me about 50 pitches before I got into the zone.
Opps, this was suppose to be about the kids. Mary-Jo and Al are really enjoying playing ball with Mama.
Opps, this was suppose to be about the kids. Mary-Jo and Al are really enjoying playing ball with Mama.
Basketball is finished
Upwards Basketball season is over. Mary-Jo and Alex played this year. Cynthia was too old and Kurt and Shelby have 2 more years before they are eligible.
Al thoroughly enjoyed playing basketball even if he's not the most talented he did the most sharing--making sure that everyone got to touch the ball equally. Mary-Jo wouldn't even get on the court until the last 4 games of the season. The first game that she was finally coaxed to get into was during the last 2 minutes. As soon as she walked onto the court she was hit by the ball and that was it for that game. The next game I bribed her with skittles. She got to taste a color of the rainbow for every 2 minutes that she played. She played most of the second half that game. Then the next game she played the whole game and even passed the ball inbound a couple of times. The final game she was still tentative about playing, but she did play the whole game again and even dribbled the ball a couple of times then quickly passed it off when she allowed it to be passed inbound to her during the last half of the game.
No that's not an excuse to avoid, forget or ignore my blog and keeping a record of what is going on in the SMACK household.
Al thoroughly enjoyed playing basketball even if he's not the most talented he did the most sharing--making sure that everyone got to touch the ball equally. Mary-Jo wouldn't even get on the court until the last 4 games of the season. The first game that she was finally coaxed to get into was during the last 2 minutes. As soon as she walked onto the court she was hit by the ball and that was it for that game. The next game I bribed her with skittles. She got to taste a color of the rainbow for every 2 minutes that she played. She played most of the second half that game. Then the next game she played the whole game and even passed the ball inbound a couple of times. The final game she was still tentative about playing, but she did play the whole game again and even dribbled the ball a couple of times then quickly passed it off when she allowed it to be passed inbound to her during the last half of the game.
No that's not an excuse to avoid, forget or ignore my blog and keeping a record of what is going on in the SMACK household.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Fruit Cocktail Cherries
Do you remember counting out the fruit cocktail cherries so that another sibling wouldn't get more that you?
This afternoon after putting Kurt and Shelby down for their nap, Alex asked if he could have some fruit. He brought me the Fruit Cocktail can (family size of course) to open. When I pulled the lid off I saw all the cherries and it brought me back to my childhood. I'm the oldest of 3 girls and we would argue over who had more cherries. Beware if you did because the other 2 sisters would make sure they got their fair share! However, today as I was eating a bowl for myself, I just was not as impressed with the taste of the cherries. Today it was all about the peaches.
I have other half and step siblings, but they did not come into the picture until I was away at college.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Division
When the last parent pass away there is much division to be done. It is especially difficult to do when both children have not been told of the wishes and the parent has not left a spelled out list of his/her wishes. There is a lot of sentimentality attached to items left behind and feelings can be hurt when inheritance is not divided equally. This is the lesson that I am learning after the passing of my husband's last parent.
Jaba's & my SIL's work schedules preclude them from being able to go into their dad's house together. So it's been my SIL and myself going through everything. I've told Jab that it's hard for me to tell his sister, "no, I think Jab would like to have that." It's not that I can't tell her no, because I am representing Jaba's interest while I'm there, it's that I love both of them and I hurt for both of their loss. Essentially, they are all that is left. There are no Aunts, Uncles or cousins that they grew up with. It is just them, their spouses and their children.
There is still a lot left to do so if I don't update as often as I normally do, I know that my friends will understand.
Jaba's & my SIL's work schedules preclude them from being able to go into their dad's house together. So it's been my SIL and myself going through everything. I've told Jab that it's hard for me to tell his sister, "no, I think Jab would like to have that." It's not that I can't tell her no, because I am representing Jaba's interest while I'm there, it's that I love both of them and I hurt for both of their loss. Essentially, they are all that is left. There are no Aunts, Uncles or cousins that they grew up with. It is just them, their spouses and their children.
There is still a lot left to do so if I don't update as often as I normally do, I know that my friends will understand.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
4-17-34 to 1-25-06
My husband's Dad and the children's Granddad passed away Wednesday, this week. He had been battling prostate cancer for 18 months and was winning until these last 3 weeks. We were told almost 2 weeks ago that he had a week to 6 weeks left. The twins (almost 3) last saw Granddad the 2 weeks ago Friday before he went into the hospital and before we knew the prognosis. Jab and I decided to take our 5, 7, and 13 year old to see him in the hospital before Dad came home on hospice. We didn't tell them it was goodbye before they went in and they really didn't talk with Granddad but Aunt Darlene, the kids and I just chatted quietly between ourselves for a little while while we were in the room with Granddad sleeping. We knew this would be comforting to Dad. That evening we explained to the children that Granddad was really sick and that he was going to go and be with Jesus really soon. We told them that Granddad really wanted them to be there that night so that he could enjoy their presence, but that he didn't want anyone to cry in the room so he asked us to wait until afterwards to tell them. They did not see him again until the funeral home.
Alex did get to spend a lot of time with me at Aunt Darlene's house while I helped to take care of Granddad, but we had Alex occupied with schoolwork, and distracted with games. Alex was in the house when Granddad passed away but he was unaware until almost an hour and a half later after all the "officials" had come and gone.
Alex did get to spend a lot of time with me at Aunt Darlene's house while I helped to take care of Granddad, but we had Alex occupied with schoolwork, and distracted with games. Alex was in the house when Granddad passed away but he was unaware until almost an hour and a half later after all the "officials" had come and gone.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Pray for my FIL
We were told some devistating news on Monday. My FIL, Al, has lost his battle with cancer. It started as prostate cancer, then spread to the bone. It was responding well to treatment, but in the last 3 weeks his PSA's increased dramatically so my SIL took him in on Monday for some tests. The cancer has spread to his kidneys with no hope for recovery. He is now at home (my SIL's) and is in hospice care. However, hospice care does not mean that he is cared for 24-7 or even 8 hours a day. The only care not provided by family is about 7 1/2 hours a week, M-F.
Please pray for our family as we go through this final journey with my FIL. He is my "Dad" and I love him as such. I probably won't be posting anymore to this blog until he has passed on.
Please pray for our family as we go through this final journey with my FIL. He is my "Dad" and I love him as such. I probably won't be posting anymore to this blog until he has passed on.
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